Year 3, week 2: selling off Scotland

“If you ask me, the only way we’re going to solve this whole credit crunch thing is to sell off Scotland.”  It was OldSmoothie at chambers tea yesterday afternoon and he was holding court.  “Oh, and all of its politicians as well, particularly the ones lording it over us down here.  Yes, just stick it on e-bay and see what it fetches. Should be enough to bail out the odd banker or two.”

It was BusyBody who stepped up to the mark in reply: “Oh turn off the record OldSmoothie or at least start playing a different tune.” Then her tone changed and she added, “Though I’m sure the police would be interested to hear about your incitement to racial hatred in front of, hmm…” she counted the people in the room, “…twelve upstanding witnesses.”

Before OldSmoothie could recover, UpTights waded in and added, “Yes, particularly if it were reported to a certain Scottish policeman who I just happen to know is based in Charing Cross Police Station…” She suddenly looked a bit madder than usual and her voice started to rise towards a screech, “…and who just happens to bear a grudge against you for making a fool of him in the witness box.”

From the look which passed between UpTights and BusyBody, I don’t think that this will be the last we hear of this one.

October 8, 2008 · Tim Kevan · 7 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

7 Responses

  1. Luxembourg Barista - October 8, 2008

    I guess, flogging Scotland would add a whole new dimension to the concept of sup-prime real estate.

  2. Oil Baron - October 8, 2008

    I hope North Sea oil will be included in this big car boot sale

  3. Academic Barrister - October 8, 2008

    I don’t see what’s racist about this. The problem with the plan is that Scotland would not fetch nearly enough to cover the banks’ liabilities.
    But if Scotland is to have its own parliament (stupid idea) then scottish MP’s have to be prevented from voting on Bills affecting other parts of the ‘UK’ (as it used to be before devolution)

  4. Jock the Scot - October 9, 2008

    Well maybe if Scotland was sold on eBay we could make sure the Scottish banks and MP’s including a PM go with it. The only problem then is we would get even less for the place so I vote to give them the North Sea oil as well as we are stealing the Iraqi oil anyway and this way we get rid of some odd politicians, clean out the bad business men running or trying to run banks in one swift eBay sale and make BabyBarrister MP

  5. Medea - October 12, 2008

    Hmmm, how about Scotland selling England whilst demanding compensation for the centuries of boring chat we’ve had to endure from you?! Although whether anyone would want you remains a mystery. Still, the sound of silence from the south would be something to revel in…no Englanders whinging for a change…ahh, shame it’s just a dream…

  6. R - October 30, 2008

    I think you meant “lording it over”. As far as I’m aware the ungrateful beings north of the wall have never given the English any praise for handing them a part in the biggest empire the world ever saw, nor for inventing tartan so they can rip off gullible American tourists.

  7. Medea - November 29, 2008

    Oh R! You are like all your compatriots – so very very witty. The laughs we (The Scots) have had due to your “humour”…Anyway, talking about ungrateful beings – we’ll say nothing of the oil and other natural resources your lot have stolen nor the fact that whenever you English get into trouble (often – it may be due to your “lovely” personalities – just a thought) it’s the Celts that get you out of it…You can show your thanks in silence. That would be nice.