Year 2, week 51: jellybaby

“So what do you want, you snivelling little creep?” asked TopFirst with all of his usual charm.
“Well I wanted to thank you for dropping us both in it with the FSA.”
“I don’t think so, my friend. This time you are well and truly going down.”
“Which would be funny if it weren’t for the fact that I happen to know that a certain Mr TopFirst sold short on the wireless company at exactly the time that you have alleged that I was doing so.”

He started to look worried.
“Strange that,” I said. “Maybe you’re trying to take the heat off yourself. Is that it?”

Now he was looking utterly confused.
“You’re bluffing. You couldn’t…you wouldn’t…”

Slowly it started to dawn on him that it might indeed have been possible somehow to contrive that he himself took the bet on the same shares. He just couldn’t work out how. “…it’s not possible…” he continued.

Well, I’m certainly not going to be the one that tells him that I still have his bank account details from last year. Steamed open one of his bank statements when he shared a pigeon-hole with me. The irony being that I never thought it’d come in useful once pupillage was over. All I needed was the account number and then a good guess at his password. Last year it was “juglandaceous”. I remembered how funny he thought he was when he said this and could only think of one other instance when he’d been so full of that “cleverness of me thing” and that was his naffo moment chatting up one of the mini-pupils by offering her some sweets with the line “Jelly, Baby?”  Sure enough, his new password was indeed a certain “jellybaby”.  After that the shares had been bought.

Anyway, that’s the story. The question is where we both go from here. I can hardly tell him directly that he’d better withdraw his complaint as this time round he’ll be ready with tape recorder in hand.

So for the next few days I think we might have to play a very serious game of chicken and see who bottles first. I’d say though that it didn’t get off to a good start when TopFirst simply stormed out of the bar in a huff telling me where I could stick my little so-called set-ups and my double bluffs.

September 18, 2008 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
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