BabyBarista

A worm's eye view of the English Bar

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Archive for September, 2008

Year 2, week 52: vultures

We had an extraordinary chambers meeting this evening called at short notice. The topic was one which is probably being discussed in boardrooms up and down the country. Pretty standard you might think. Except for the fact that the agenda item was actually listed somewhat tactlessly as “How can chambers benefit from the present banking […]

September 29, 2008 · Tim Kevan · One Comment
Posted in: Uncategorized

Year 2, week 51: unorthodox

“Well, it’s somewhat unorthodox, but I think it could be done.  But tell me, BabyBarista, isn’t it illegal to try and influence a judge in this way.”  It was BrainWasher voices his concerns about my proposed campaign to bring the judge’s mind around to our way of thinging.”“I don’t think there’s a precedent against it,” […]

September 26, 2008 · Tim Kevan · 3 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

Year 2, week 51: BrainWasher

The trial came to an end today.  WhistleBlower was utterly discredited but even so the documents still remain in evidence.  The experts disagree as to whether the wireless technology is affecting people’s minds or not and ultimately it will all come down to the view the judge takes of the evidence.  We apparently have a […]

September 24, 2008 · Tim Kevan · One Comment
Posted in: Uncategorized

Year 2, week 51: silence

Well, I’ve heard nothing from TopFirst since our little meeting last week.  I imagine he’s discovered by now the full extent of the set-up and is still trying to think of a way out.  He has until the end of this week, after which the game of chicken ends and he goes down with me.

September 22, 2008 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Posted in: Uncategorized

Year 2, week 51: jellybaby

“So what do you want, you snivelling little creep?” asked TopFirst with all of his usual charm.“Well I wanted to thank you for dropping us both in it with the FSA.”“I don’t think so, my friend. This time you are well and truly going down.”“Which would be funny if it weren’t for the fact that […]

September 18, 2008 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Posted in: Uncategorized

Year 2, week 51: nuclear option

Okay, now I’m really worried. Our witness went AWOL today just when we thought that wasn’t going to happen and then I got another letter from the Bar Standards Board warning me that if I was not prepared for them to hear the complaint made about the alleged insider-dealing then they would have to pass […]

September 16, 2008 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Posted in: Uncategorized

Year 2, week 51: counter-attack

The case started again this morning in earnest and somewhat to our surprise our witness WhistleBlower turned up on time and with no tales of being threatened or hounded off the case. Which immediately made me worry that we had perhaps missed something and sure enough as soon as she started giving evidence the first […]

September 15, 2008 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Posted in: Uncategorized

Year 2, week 50: another complaint

Well, the big news from last week was that there was another complaint from TopFirst. This time his allegation is that I committed illegal insider trading by buying short on the shares in the wireless company. The strange thing is that rather than making the complaint to the FSA, he instead reported it to the […]

September 8, 2008 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Posted in: Uncategorized

Year 2, week 49: old joke

I was out in the pub last night with OldSmoothie discussing the case and he was slobbering over one of the legal executives who’s been working with us. When she went off to chat to one of her friends he turned to OldSoak who was sitting nearby and received a knowing look. “Out of ten?” […]

September 2, 2008 · Tim Kevan · 4 Comments
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Year 2, week 49: rustling

Thankfully WhistleBlower turned up on Friday. At around two in the afternoon and far too late to get all her evidence in. Seems she did indeed go to the police since she marched in with one of them in tow. As you might imagine other side kicked up an enormous fuss, particularly since they’d finally […]

September 1, 2008 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Posted in: Uncategorized

• « Older Entries

• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets