Archive for August, 2008

Year 2, week 48: exposed

Well, what can I say about Friday evening? Quite a night and that’s for sure. First came TopFlirt at 7pm. Thankfully she turned up and for once was being all businesslike. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my mother BabyB. I have to admit that it was one of the reasons I originally contacted you. I hated what TopFirst was doing on the case and wanted to see if I could garner any idea from you as to how I could help.”
“But we hardly discussed the case,” I replied.
“That’s because I lost my bottle from the first time we met up. I didn’t expect to fancy you.”
“But why didn’t you just tell me about it? I would have kept your secret.”
“I really wanted to but that would have meant your working out why I contacted you in the first place and then not trusting me at all.”

Despite the tallness of the story and my added reservations due to her continuing relationship with TopFirst, I still believed what she was saying. “So what about WhistleBlower? Was that you?”
“It was. I read through TopFirst’s files and found a report on a lady who they were considering sacking due to the threats she’d already made internally to blow the whistle on the damaging effects of the wireless technology.”
“And you put her in touch with me?”
“So you can also put me back in touch with her now?”
“I can.”

She gave me the name and address.  Thankfully TopFlirt was in business mode that evening and so we parted with a kiss on the cheeks. As she left she said,
“You know, I’d still like to see you BabyB.”

After that it was time for a quick change into my Bat Man outfit out the back of a pub and then into a cab for UpTights’s house in Islington. I didn’t quite know what I was letting myself in for and felt just a little bit silly as I arrived. But silliness was more than overcome by a straightforward fear. Fear of UpTights the secual predator. Thoughts turned in particular to the black widow spider who notoriously devours her mate after sex. Then again, there was always the chance that I would find something out about the case and litigation, as TheBoss always used to say, is war. I was still undecided as to exactly what I would.

When I arrived there was a note on the door telling me to go straight in and make myself comfortable in the sitting room. Once inside there was another note saying the following: “Hello my little Super Hero. Why don’t you slip into these and then get yourself a drink as I perform my own Super Hero change.” Below the note was a pair of Bat Man boxer shorts.

Well, this was already getting weird to say the least but no harm in going this far I figured. Except that as I stood there glass in hand in my new boxer shorts, it was not UpTights who came down the stairs but instead TopFirst. “Wave to the camera BabyB,” he said as he took a bunch of photos of me standing there looking dumbfounded.
“What? How?”
“We’re in the middle of trial BabyB. You should have realised that I might actually be looking after UpTights’s mobile whilst she was on her feet.”


“As for this evening, all it took was for me to volunteer to house-sit UpTights’s cats during her weekend visit to Paris.”


“But hey. Look on the bright side. I’ve now got a nice picture to give to the press once my complaint against you is filed.  With that, he was out the house, camera in hand before I could even think of a reply.

August 27, 2008 · Tim Kevan · 8 Comments
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Year 2, week 47: SuperGirl

Desperate times call for desperate measures and if you’re wondering how I replied to UpTights, it was in the following terms: “10pm my flat. As for the super hero, we could have Cat Woman or Womder Woman but I’d prefer to see you in a skirt. How about Super Girl? Your call for me.”

To which I received an immediate reply: “You’ve always been my little caped crusader, BabyB x”.

So now I have a meeting with TopFlirt at 7pm this evening followed by a very frightening encounter with an ageing super hero at 10pm.

August 22, 2008 · Tim Kevan · 5 Comments
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Year 2, week 47: role play

I got a text from TopFlirt today saying that she apologised for disappearing and would like to meet up tomorrow evening. That is, half way through the trial. Despite the trouble she’s caused and the difficulties she must know we’re in, the text remained flirty and suggested that we meet at my flat. Well, I figured the best way to respond was in kind so I sent her a fruity text saying: “Hey sexy, Look forward to seeing you tomorrow evening and examining your particulars. I fear a bit of role play might be essential in teasing out all the details of the case. BB.”

Which would have been fine were it not for the fact that I received a text back by return saying: “BabyBarista, I don’t know whether this is some sort of litigation game on your part but I like your style. Where would you like to meet and what would you like me to wear? How about a super hero evening? UpTights.”

I went straight to my sent messages and discovered that instead of sending it to TopFlirt I had mistakenly pressed the next name alphabetically in my mobile phone’s address book which just so happened to be the stretched one.


August 21, 2008 · Tim Kevan · 3 Comments
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Year 2, week 45: Keep It Simple Stupid

“But why can’t we just use our common sense and keep things simple?”

It was a question I was naively posing to OldSmoothie in the context of the protracted negotiations which chambers are undertaking with their new business development officer over what seem to me to be pointless details.  “It’s a curse, BabyB. Legal training. Like some sort of parasite that gets into your brain and takes over the controls. I mean, you’re trained to foresee the problems that no-one else would ever consider. The chance in a million or if you’re good the chance in a trillion. It’s what distinguishes lawyers from the rest of the human race. Once you start doing that, well, nothing can ever be simple again.”


August 4, 2008 · Tim Kevan · One Comment
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Year 2, week 44: "FOCOF"

Much tittering in chambers today as we received a letter which has been sent by the Chairman of the Bar to the whole profession. Commenting on the Legal Services Commission’s consultation paper on the family law graduated fee scheme he says: “As soon as this consultation is over it will be followed by another on “Family – One Case One Fee” (“FOCOF”).  We will ensure that the Bar Council’s voice, as well as that of the FLBA, is heard loud and clear on this.”

August 1, 2008 · Tim Kevan · 3 Comments
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