BabyBarista

A worm's eye view of the English Bar

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Archive for May, 2008

Year 2, week 35: BlindDrunk

It’s often been the case in the last year or two that I’ve thought the law was crazy when it came to personal injury, but today capped the lot.  Simple case.  My client got drunk on ten pints of lager on a Saturday night and tripped over a hole in the road.  Not a big […]

May 28, 2008 · Tim Kevan · 8 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

Year 2, week 35: Buskered

TheBusker was back on form today at chambers tea as TheCreep failed miserably to try and put him down. Physically the two of them couldn’t be more different.  TheCreep is short and stocky and his brown hair is always neatly combed to the side.  Though his suits are always immaculately pressed, they always appear to […]

May 27, 2008 · Tim Kevan · 2 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

Year 2, week 34: TheParrot

Have you ever come across someone who when you say something simply repeats what you’ve just said? That was how my opponent was today when cross-examining the witnesses and the only name for him is TheParrot. “Where were you heading just before the accident?”“Out to the shops in Bootle.” “Out to the shops in Bootle. […]

May 22, 2008 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Posted in: Uncategorized

Year 2, week 33: underbellies

“What is it that you’ve got against women, OldSmoothie?” It was BusyBody at Chambers Tea, back from maternity leave and on the war path.“What on earth do you mean?  I love all women.  Every one of them.  Well, except perhaps the fat ones.”“You see, that’s my point. Every time you open your mouth you reveal […]

May 15, 2008 · Tim Kevan · 2 Comments
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Year 2, week 33: old dog new tricks

There’s a solicitors firm in North London which is holding a party this evening for which the invitation states, “Please bring a party trick.” Which of course was the hot topic of conversation and indeed speculation at Chambers Tea. As is often the case, the best line of the day belonged to OldSmoothie and came […]

May 14, 2008 · Tim Kevan · One Comment
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Year 2, week 33: the all-rounder

Overheard a very revealing conversation at lunch today between OldSmoothie and another barrister who was obviously his opponent on a case he was doing. “You’re in TheVamp’s chambers, aren’t you?” the opponent asked.“That’s right,” chuckled OldSmoothie.  “Everyone knows TheVamp.”“You’re not wrong there, and legend has it that there are even a few who don’t know […]

May 13, 2008 · Tim Kevan · Comments Closed
Posted in: Uncategorized

Year 2, week 31: holidays

So last week I had my first holiday since the start of my pupillage. I sometimes think that this whole self-employed freedom thing for barristers is a bit of a con really, certainly for the first few years at any rate. All that freedom you’re supposed to have and yet the truth is that if […]

May 6, 2008 · Tim Kevan · 2 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets