Year 2, week 4: ConspiracyTheories

‘It’s all a conspiracy,’ boomed BigMouth as he stomped into OldSmoothie’s room for a conference.

‘Yeh right.  Last bastion of the desperate or insane those conspiracy theories if you ask me.’ I thought.  Thankfully, they didn’t ask.

‘I wouldn’t put anything past RedTop,’ said OldSmoothie sympathetically. 

‘What sort of conspiracy were you thinking?’ purred TheVamp.  I think she may have already found a way of asking the difficult questions and getting away with it.

‘Wireless.  That’s what.  Wireless this.  Wireless that.  It’s killing people, you know.’

Even OldSmoothie had to take a deep breath.  His friend looked like he was starting to unravel before our eyes.

‘OK.  Let’s take this one step at a time.  Do you mean that the radio is killing you?’

‘Of course not.  Wireless internet, that’s what.  It’s driving people mad.’

Well, that was becoming apparent to us all, but no-one said as much.

‘Er, in what way,’ asked OldSmoothie.

‘Brain damage, that’s what.  It’s getting into their heads and killing all the brain cells.  Particularly old people.’

‘Er, right.’  Even OldSmoothie was now having difficulties.

Facing a room full of raised eyebrows, BigMouth ploughed on,

‘You don’t believe me, do you?  Nobody does.’

You don’t say.

‘But I’ve got a load of constituents being pumped full of wireless and, well, how can I put it, it’s affecting them.  Badly.  All gone potty.’

We were all now imagining some of BigMouth’s blue rinse constituents.  Potty was something we could believe.

OldSmoothie clearly thought his friend had been exposing himself to too much wireless (as opposed to prostitutes, I guess) and wanted to move on from this herring rouge as ClichéClanger was to call it after BigMouth had left.

‘I think this is something which BabyB can investigate.  What do you say?’

He turned to me.  What do I say?  ‘You must be joking.  Stop wasting my time, you old fool,’ would be one response.

‘Er, okay then,’ was all I could manage.

October 25, 2007 · Tim Kevan · 3 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

3 Responses

  1. Edward - October 25, 2007

    wasn’t somthing like this (if not exactly the same barring it was mobiles causing MS) on judge john deed not that long ago? I know that series really was a load of, shall we say, twoddle? But god I loved it.

  2. Rose - October 27, 2007

    I’z in teh internetz messing with ur brainz…
    Seriously, someone was trying to run this line of argument here the other day, so we appear to be on a similar investigation trail.

  3. Sarah - October 31, 2007

    Love the plot!