BabyBarista

A worm's eye view of the English Bar

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Year 2, week 2: TheAdvice

Alright.  Yesterday I was annoyed.  Very annoyed.  With BigMouth.  It’s one thing bossing me around and taking me for granted.  I’ve spent a full year being trained to be very good at that part of the job.  It’s quite another to criticise the coffee once it’s made.  But let me inject a bit of professional detachment into this whole issue.  You know I don’t have to take these things personally and perhaps one day when I’m a QC or something, maybe I won’t.  But for now, please allow me to bear a gentle grudge against BigMouth.

In the meantime, let me also report on the advice that OldSmoothie gave on the case.  Bringing to bear all his innumerable (ie no) years of experience and shared wisdom in the field of libel law, his esteemed advice was “fight”.  If OldSmoothie’s best friend told him that the article was all made up and untrue, then that must be so.  He wasn;t going to go through the silly formalities of testing the strength of the evidence as he might well do with a normal client.  No, his friend’s word was his bond.  Despite the fact that he was an MP of all things.  OldSmoothie simply took the story at face value.  Which meant therefore that we have a case and unless the newspaper in question (which I shall call RedTop) backs down we may well end up in court. 

Bad news for the client I would have thought.  Good news for the lawyers all round.

But hey, who am I to say?  I can’t even get the coffee right.

October 12, 2007 · Tim Kevan · One Comment
Posted in: Uncategorized

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• THE MAIN CHARACTERS

• OldSmoothie

  
• Think Peter Bowles in To The Manor Born and Milk Tray Man, but not quite. Once successful barrister now put out to graze as a committee man.

• TheCreep

  
• Jumped up little twerp who sucks up to the big beasts in chambers and struts around as if he's really something when actually he's not.

• SlipperySlope

  
  

  Solicitor skilled in the art of creative billing. Has the airs and graces of a country squire but is more a cross between Arthur Daley and Boycie from 'Only Fools and Horses'.

• Smutton

  
  

  Brassy to UpTights’s classy and yet still, somehow, sexy.

• NurserySlope

  
  

  Solicitor who is SlipperySlope's neice. Skis, rides and looks like a horse.

• JetSet

  
  

  A new solicitor character who's got a training contract and lords it over PanicStricken. She's wealthy, well- connected and spends most weekends either skiing or clubbing abroad.

• ScandalMonger

  
• Ruthless PR guru who has become one of BabyB's secret litigation weapons

• BigMouth

  
• Pompous Tory MP stuck on the backbenches like a piece of old chewing gum

• BusyBody

  
• A whirlwind of interference with a good heart and always up for a fight, particularly with OldSmoothie.

• TopFirst

  
• BabyB’s sworn enemy and former fellow pupil

• BabyBarista

  
• A young Flashman meets Rumpole meets Francis Urquart for the 21st century

• OldFatherTime

  
• A whisper on the wind, Highlander-type figure who is older than time itself

• TheVamp

  
• Tenant in chambers and a walking Carry On film of an innuendo

• OldRuin

  
• How a barrister should be. Dumbledore meets Clarence, the angel in Its a Wonderful Life. BabyB’s redemption.

• TheBusker

  
• Barrister of ten years call with the integrity and decency of OldRuin. Very laid back in his approach to both court and life. Admired by BabyB.

• TheBoss

  
• BabyB’s ex-pupilmaster. Unscrupulous, spineless coward.

• HeadClerk

  
• The real power in chambers. All seeing, all knowing.

• PupilFodder

  
• Learner Barrister foisted upon his unsuspecting client who gets shredded in court

• UpTights

  
• BabyB’s pupilmistress for his second six months who was almost called BoTucks for the work she’s had done. Insists on boundaries and personal space. Has ‘issues’.

• JudgeJewellery

  
• Judge with penchant for stealing high street trinkets