Year 2, week 2: TheConference

Now don’t get me wrong.  I’ve got nothing against Tory MPs.  Well, nothing more than the average prejudice which is probably well-founded and wholly reasonable.  However, even after reminding yourself that as a breed they’re all still human and maybe even have families and all that you may still struggle actually to like a certain portion of them.  But that’s not to say they’re bad or ill-meaning.  Simply that very few people other than that rare breed which is themselves have anything in common with them.  However, even discounting for the fact that Tory MPs are most definitely a discriminated against minority, I defy most people to find even an ounce of sympathy for our friend BigMouth.  Or should I say my new client who I met today for the first time in conference.  Well, met is an overstatement.  Even though I’d done all the work, I basically served the coffee and then sat in the back of the room taking notes.  Except the notes I took ended up being my thoughts on the great man.  Which were rude and unrepeatable in any respectable publication.  Honestly. 

Suffice it to say that my first impression of the great man was, on balance, even after taking all things into account, not positive.  In the least.  It’s just that BigMouth simply isn’t a very nice man.  He’s arrogant, egotistical and completely lacking in any insight as to how he is perceived by others.  Which means other than being a barrister (which perhaps not coincidentally is where he started out), he is the right man for the right job.  Propping up the Parliamentary green benches.  Or rather popping up on them even when it’s wholly inappropriate.  Which is most of the time since he’ll try and wrangle a quip about Europe or immigration into any debate you care to choose, however off-topic it might be.  Oh, and his voice goes so far back in his throat as to take you back in time through generations of impeccable aristocratic in-breeding.

But hey, I wouldn’t be saying any of this were it not for the fact that he was rude about my coffee this afternoon.  And not just once but even after he’d forced me to make it again he got stuck in with yet another dig about how he even gets a better “cuppa” (a word which sounded just a little false) down the local greasy cafe he is forced to visit in his constituency once a year. 

Anyway, third time around I stuck a few of UpTights’s herbal “chill pills” as she like to call them (basically St John’s Wort) into a nice strong cuppa.  “Special like.  Jus’ for ’im”.  Certainly shut him up for a while.  Maybe they should take this up in the House of Commons?

October 11, 2007 · Tim Kevan · 3 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

3 Responses

  1. AB - October 12, 2007

    Ah… back to your roots BabyB! Serving coffee to the rich and powerful! A most enjoyable read…

  2. Sarah - October 15, 2007

    The House may need something a little stronger to be calm in the current climate.

  3. Tony Jones - October 25, 2007

    A question rather than a comment. it is well known that Barristers often prosecute people they know from access to inside (unadmissable in court) evidence to be innocent, and defend people they also know for the same reason (and sometimes private confession) to be guilty.
    Leaving aside the moral question, how is it they are never charged with attempting to pervert the course of justice please?