Day 194, week 40: priceless

My client was a young man of twenty today.  Quite likely and a bit of a know-all but nice enough as they go.  His evidence was chugging along quite smoothly until the judge noticed that he was chewing gum in the witness box.  He looked furious.

“Young man, there are many things that one has to put up with as a judge but one thing I simply will not tolerate is mastication in my court.”

My client’s look was priceless.  His mouth dropped as probably did mine.  Clearly the judge was losing it.

“Yes, young man.  You will refrain from the masticating of that dreadful gum.  At once.”

In tandem my client and I took on an “Oh, now I see what you were getting at” look as it suddenly dawned on us that we had both thought what he was saying was far ruder than it actually was.  My guess is that’s not the first time he’s pulled that gag.

July 5, 2007 · Tim Kevan · 6 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

6 Responses

  1. MrR - July 6, 2007

    I’m presuming that it was the judge’s diction that was the problem rather than you not really knowing what masticulation is…

  2. david giacalone - July 6, 2007

    Mastication is one thing, but what about osculation in court? July 6th is Kissing Day. See http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/ethicalesq/2007/07/06/osculation-celebration/

  3. FS - July 6, 2007

    You are truly a class act

  4. wag - July 9, 2007

    The way I heard the story, the Judge told a clerk to ask the witness to stop masticating. After a long pause, the clerk told the winess to take his hands out of his pockets.

  5. Sarah - July 9, 2007

    gum in court …. does that happen?

  6. beef - July 11, 2007

    Go on MRR enlighten us – what is masticulation? If you’re going to be a smart-arse at least get it right…