Day 148, week 31: whatever

It’s obviously a week for nasty opponents.  Monday it was Weasel.  Today, it was TheBully.  Right from the off, he was getting stuck in without any call for it.  It was a small claims court hearing and not even my client seemed to care about the result.  His first assault was unsubtle but at least it cannot be said to have been unclear.

“Of course, your case is hopeless isn’t it?  Can’t understand what your solicitor is up to fighting this one.”

I hadn’t thought it was hopeless until that point.  Now I started to wonder.  I decided on a Busker response although it didn’t quite come out right.

“Er…”  I paused, trying to thing of what TheBusker might say.  It didn’t come and all that escaped from my lips was a very unbecoming “…whatever.”

Which was more Catherine Tate than TheBusker but all I can do is keep on trying.  However, the approach had the unintended merit of getting up TheBully’s nose.

“Well, if that’s all you can say you’re obviously no better than your instructing solicitor.  Haven’t you even read our witness statement?”

Well, when a strategy appears to be working, why change course? 

“Whatever.”  I was starting to enjoy this.

“Can you even explain why you didn’t accept our offer?  Seems ridiculous that we’re here.  I have far more important matters to be getting on with.”

Oh, I was waiting for that one.  The self-important excuse for being seen in the small claims court.  Yeh, right.  Anyway, I took a deep breath before this one.  I was starting to get into my stride.

“Er…”  I paused for dramatic effect…“…whatever.”

“You obviously haven’t been doing this long.  Are you sure you’re best representing your client’s interests?”

One more time, just for fun.

“What…”  Again I paused… “…ever.”

As it happens, he lost.  My parting words? 

You guessed it.

May 2, 2007 · Tim Kevan · 8 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

8 Responses

  1. AustLawyer - May 3, 2007

    Nice one BabyB.
    I have closing submissions in the family court this morning in a property matter. Do you mind if I cut and paste your submissions into my own.
    “Your honour, the evidence in this case clearly shows that my client should win, and to reply to my learned friend’s submissions I can only say, with the greatest of respect … Whatever”
    How do you think I will go?

  2. babymelbournelawyer - May 3, 2007

    Absolutely hilarious BabyB! I’ve been enjoying your blog every morning for some time, but have had to return to this entry a number of times today … has helped make a bad day good 🙂

  3. Nicola - May 3, 2007

    Excellent, excellent, excellent !
    Absolutely love it. Wish it was in a published book so I could take it with me on my holiday this year, just to read it all again !!

  4. David - May 3, 2007

    Love the line “more Catherine Tate than TheBusker”

  5. Abigail - May 3, 2007

    My opponent is bullying me by letter. Lots of letters, with such stuff as “We note that you have not had the courtesy to…”, “We reserve the right to draw this matter to the court’s attention”, “Please respond by return”. As you say- Whatever.

  6. Root - May 3, 2007

    @Abigail – you raise an interesting issue. The proper place for that type of solicitor’s correspondence is the wastepaper basket. Unfortunately this type of one sided paper trail with all the innuendo has a habit of heamorraging into the proceedings. Its very dangerous stuff. The practice of routinely bunging all the correspondence into the bundle is an insidious one, and an abuse of process but it goes on all the time. Unfortunately its the first stuff the judge reads.

  7. Anonymous - May 6, 2007

    I find that a simple letter from the solicitor saying
    “Thank you for your letter of []. We note that it is the 8th letter we have received informing us that our client has not got a leg to stand on, wondering about our professional competence, suggesting that we accept an offer that amounts to conceding the litigation and threatening to pursue us personally for costs. However, we must inform you that it is this firm’s practice to litigate matters in court and discuss settlement only when an offer is put to us, or we are instructed to make an offer. In the circumstances, your correspondence is not assisting us to deal with any of the issues in the case and is, arguably, a breach of CPR 1.1 (2) (b) and 1.3. Yours sincerely”
    sometimes helps.

  8. Simon - May 6, 2007

    Sorry, should have said a link would be appreciated…