Day 135, week 28: UpTights' briefs

Papers, papers and yet more papers. I really can’t stand sitting down and rifling through UpTights’ briefs any longer (I hope that you’ll forgive the innuendo when you hear what a boring day I’ve had). If it’s not drafting a schedule, it’s looking up some obscure point. However, most of the time, it’s simply churning paper through the legal machine. Here’s an example of a piece of work I produced this morning:

“In the premises, the Claimant avers that the Defendants, their servants or agents were in breach of statutory duty and/or negligence and/or contract in one or more of the ways set out hereinafter . . . They were negligent and/or in breach of Regulation 4 of the Provision and Use of Work Equipment Regulations 1998 ((PUWER 98) (SI 1998 No 2306 ) in that they failed to ensure that the work equipment (which hereinafter means the mechanical arm attached to the lifting machine) was suitable for the purposes for which it was used and/or provided.”

Now what is that all about?  Gobbledygook of the highest order. Yet it’s standard fare. I still don’t get why lawyers insist on speaking a different language, unless it’s to help justify the fees. Whatever the reason, much of the work can be extremely tedious and you’d need a pretty good reason just to get yourself to concentrate hard enough to raise even a mild interest in the subject matter. So why are we all so fussed about being barristers anyway? Status? Maybe. Certainly for TopFirst and BusyBody. Intellectual challenge? Maybe, to some limited extent, although quite how the above can improve one’s mind I’ll never know. But don’t kid yourself that it’s not also to do with money. Whether you wrap it in the mystique of the Bar or in the high ideals of legal principles and justice, it still comes out just the same. The fat rewards of mammon. 

That’s one thing I miss about TheBoss now that I’m forced to hang around with UpTights and her lofty attitude. He may be a low down, snivelling coward. But at least he is honest in one significant respect.  That he accepts he is driven by greed. Plain and simple. UpTights on the other hand can mention Atticus Finch with no sense of irony as she then settles into defending an insurance company against an injured Claimant.  At least she does seem to be softening anyway.  Mid-afternoon yesterday and she raised the first smile of my pupillage when I mentioned the recent episode of my Mum coming into chambers and embarrassing me with a baked cake.  There might even be a human being lying beneath that stretched exterior.

Meanwhile, TopFirst is looking smugger than ever.  He’s made it known around Chambers that I went to court without my robes and he knows full well that I won’t drop him in it as it would look even worse that I had relied on the word of a fellow pupil rather than finding out for myself.  Even the clerks have been teasing me with "Don’t forget your suit for court tomorrow, Sir." 

I hope at least that TopFirst’s hubris will only make him more blind when it comes to meeting HoneyTrap on Monday.

April 12, 2007 · Tim Kevan · 7 Comments
Posted in: Uncategorized

7 Responses

  1. Greg Osman - April 12, 2007

    It’s certainly all about the money where I work though there’s little pretence about that fact.

  2. Jane Grayson - April 12, 2007

    Not all lawyers do it just for the money. I have a legal aid practice and you could hardly describe that as lucrative.

  3. VJ - April 12, 2007

    I think Jane Grayson has only herself to blame for having a legal aid practice. I am only a law student, but learning from my father and grandfather (M&A Attorneys) Corporate Lawyers are the Brain Surgeons of legal practice. And they earn the fees to proof it. Am I to follow in their footsteps or any legal career for that matter? I rather be whipped to death. There should be more to life that what they are going through. Good writing BB.

  4. Tails - April 12, 2007

    I’m enjoying this more and more as it goes on. I can’t wait to see what happens with TopFirst and HoneyTrap!

  5. David - April 12, 2007

    Money – perhaps the world revolves around money. David

  6. mad about babybarista - April 12, 2007

    I agree with tails as above. I can’t wait to see what happens on monday.

  7. Anonymous - April 13, 2007

    Barrister maybe… but certanly not a baby one