Weekend video: ‘Jerusalem’ by Jez Butterworth’

January 28, 2012 · babybarista · No Comments
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Civvy street

There was a spirit of rebellion in chambers today after Slick the reforming QC tried to introduce a so-called “civies” or “dress down Friday sort of a day” for all those who weren’t in court.

“We can’t possibly come into chambers without suits,” said HeadofChambers.

“We might bump into clients going to conferences.”

“What, and let them mistake us for normal human beings?” said Slicklet, Slick’s mini-me.

“It would completely undermine what little authority we have over with the clerks,” said OldSmoothie.

“Yeh, right, because woolly jumpers so hinder Richard Branson running a business,” said BusyBody starting to see the potential for farce.

“But it’s the thin end of the wedge,” said HeadofChambers. “You lower the standards and everyone’ll be strolling around in denim jeans before you know it.”

“Perish the thought,” smiled BusyBody.

“The real problem with barristers dressing down is that they don’t know how,” said TheVamp. “Or the male variety, at least. They look like politicians snapped on their holidays or standing outside their garden gate after some affair or other desperately failing in their bid to look like men of the people.”

“You’re right that’s it’s the men,” said BusyBody. “It’s all designer jeans and large-collared stripey shirts for the young ones and brand new cords and jumpers for the oldies. All of which would be perfectly stylish were it not for the fact that they carried it all as if they were playing a part in a pantomime. Like it was some sort of a joke that such clever important people would all dress down in this way. Goodness knows how they’d behave on a beach.”

“I knew one barrister who used to completely fail to acknowledge me if I wasn’t in a suit,” said TheBusker. “He’d walk past me on the stairs without even a nod and yet if I was correctly attired he’d stop and be the most friendly person in the world.”

“A little like the apocryphal judge who claimed not to be able to hear the barrister who wasn’t wearing his wig and gown,” said TheVamp.

“Except in my case he’d obviously decided he couldn’t even see me, never mind hear me, unless I had on the right gear,” said TheBusker. “It once got so bad that even though I was instructed as his junior he completely ignored me throughout a client conference simply because I wasn’t wearing a shirt with double cuffs. In the end I was forced to make a point just to justify the fee I’d be billing.”

“How did he react?” asked TheVamp.

“It made no difference at all. He just carried on talking as if I’d never spoken.”
“So where is he now?”

“He runs the best dressed court in the South of England. Every barrister worth his salt knows that if you want your case to succeed in that particular jurisdiction, it’s clothes which truly maketh the man.”

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister written by Tim Kevan whose new novel is Law and Peace. For more information and to read past posts visit babybarista.com. Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.

January 27, 2012 · babybarista · No Comments
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Who guards the guards?

“I really did feel sorry for the juror who was jailed for sharing her research with the rest of the jury,” said TheVamp today.

“But what else can we do if we’re to ensure fair trials?” said BusyBody.

“I know,” said TheVamp. “I get the point. I guess my only gripe is that it seems like one law for the masses and another for judges.”

“What do you mean?” said HeadofChambers. “I hope you’re not insinuating that they go around doing such practices.”

“To be fair, I think a few might even struggle to find the internet,” said TheBusker.

“It’s not that,” said TheVamp. “But we all know that judges chat about their cases or even if they’re being careful some still like hearing about the, er, wider context.”

“And where are you suggesting that this dangerous talk takes place?” said HeadofChambers, still in denial.

“Oh come on,” said BusyBody. “Dinners in the Inn. Drinks receptions, friends’ houses…”

“And that’s not forgetting judges chatting away online or in conference with each other,” said Teflon. “I clearly remember one judge once telling me, and I might say with extreme prejudice, that he knew all about the particular type of case before him due to just such chit-chat on the judicial networking facility, then called Felix.”

“So what did you do about it?” asked TheCreep.

“Well, I thought about judicial review but do you really think a client’s going to fund a full-scale attack on the propriety of the judiciary when that same client is conducting litigation all around the country?”

“Then of course you have the judicial lunch, at which do you really think they sit around not even whispering anything about their cases?” said TheVamp.

“After thirty years of chewing over the cud of their cases with their fellow barristers before they reached such high office,” said BusyBody.

“Well, they’re human like the rest of us,” said HeadofChambers. “We just need to have faith that they’re skilled enough to disregard idle chatter.”

“Ah, the judicial, indeed the Nelsonian, blind eye,” said TheVamp.

“Well whenever I judge,” said OldSmoothie, “I always insist that the court clerk tells me every bit of gossip the two barristers have been sharing about the case outside of court and as for finding damaging material online, I always get my kids to do that for me.”

“Ah, who guards the guards,” said OldRuin. “It will forever be the question.”

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister written by Tim Kevan whose new novel is Law and Peace. For more information and to read past posts visit babybarista.com. Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.

January 25, 2012 · babybarista · No Comments
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Book recommendation: ‘A Certain Justice’ by P D James

Although A Certain Justice begins with news of a murder, the victim isn’t set to die for another four weeks. Publicly respected but privately loathed, Venetia Aldridge has far more enemies than a brilliant London criminal lawyer should–and at least one of them is determined to do her in. Venetia plies her superior trade in courts that harbour “the illusion that the passions of men were susceptible to order and control,” but her past and private life are exceedingly unruly. Her married lover is intent on giving her up; her daughter loathes her; her fellow barristers are determined that she not become the next head of chambers. Even the cleaning woman seems to have something on her. The outline alone of this complex novel would take pages (as would the eclectic inventory of players), but P. D. James makes us admire far more than her brilliantly developed plot. James in fact creates a crowded gallery of surprisingly decent suspects, along with one suitably vile creature–who happens to be Aldridge’s last client. A superior murder mystery, A Certain Justice is also a gripping anatomy of wild justice. James’s characters can be overcome by hate, but she is equally concerned with love’s manifestations–human, divine, destructive, and healing.

Available from Amazon.co.uk

January 25, 2012 · babybarista · No Comments
Posted in: books

Monday morning with Alex Williams’ cartoons, 23rd January 2012


This cartoon is by Alex Williams who draws the Queen’s Counsel cartoons for The Times and in numerous books including Lawyers Uncovered. He also does the cartoons for BabyBarista and has had two more excellent books published recently: 101 Ways to Leave the Law and 101 Uses for a Useless Banker. He offers almost all of his cartoons for sale at £120 for originals and £40 for copies and they can be obtained from this email info@qccartoon.com.

January 23, 2012 · babybarista · No Comments
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Weekend video: ‘Amistad’

January 21, 2012 · babybarista · No Comments
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OldSmoothie’s Law of Unintended Consequences

“I still can’t believe I didn’t get anything in the New Year’s Honours,” said OldSmoothie.
“What? Been a bit too tight-fisted with your political donations, have you?” said BusyBody.
“That’s exactly the point,” said OldSmoothie. “I’ve been paying way over what I consider fair. In the past it’d have got me a peerage and these days it seems it doesn’t even get me an MBE.”
“It must be a terrible blow when even your corrupt plans come to nothing,” smiled TheBusker.
“Anyway, I’m taking a new tack this year and supporting the Prime Minister’s campaign to tackle the health and safety culture. That should get me a little more recognition.”
“What and cut off your nose to spite your face in the process?” said TheVamp. “Health and safety is where all your fees come from.”
“What you forget,” came the reply, “is that when it comes to deregulation, OldSmoothie’s Law of Unintended Consequences applies.”
“What’s that?” asked TheCreep, reaching for a notepad and looking somewhat concerned at the possibility that there was a law of which he was completely unaware.
“Young man, OldSmoothie’s Law of Intended Consequences is this: Whenever a government tries to cut back on regulation, however well-intentioned it may be, it always results in far more rules and regulations in the long run.”
“How’s that?” asked BusyBody.
“Well, in order to repeal the legislation you first of all need to create more legislation to do so. Once that’s done it’s like a fatted lamb being offered up to the Bar. They’ll fight over every last bit of it until eventually each tiny little sub-clause has had the benefit of the insuperable wisdom of the great learned minds of our Supreme Court. By which point the protracted definitions, and of course the exceptions, naturally, will always outweigh the original clause being attacked. Always. OldSmoothie’s Law applies in every case. Mark my words.”
“But why don’t the parliamentary draftsmen simply do their job and draft the law so that’s it’s unambiguously clear and leaves no need to get clarification from the appeal courts?” asked a wide-eyed pupil.
Raised eyebrows all round before OldSmoothie gave the answer: “Ah, the innocence of youth. Anyway, I’m sure you’ll be pleased to hear that there has never been a single line of any piece of legislation which has been passed by our glorious parliament that is not capable, with sufficient ingenuity and application, of becoming part of an argument between two lawyers.”

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister written by Tim Kevan whose new novel is Law and Peace. For more information and to read past posts visit babybarista.com. Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.

January 19, 2012 · babybarista · No Comments
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Book recommendation: ‘Wind, Sand and Stars’ by Antoine Saint-Exupery

In 1926 de Saint-Exupéry began flying for the pioneering airline Latécoère – later known as Aéropostale – opening up the first mail routes across the Sahara and the Andes. WIND, SAND AND STARS is drawn from this experience. Interweaving encounters with nomadic Arabs and other adventures into a richly textured autobiographical narrative which includes the extraordinary story of his crash in the Libyan Desert in 1936, and his miraculous survival. ‘Self-discovery comes when a man measures himself against an obstacle,’ writes Saint-Exupéry. This book he explores the transcendent perceptions that arise when life is tested to its limits. Both a gripping tale of adventure and a poetic meditation.

Available from Amazon.co.uk

January 18, 2012 · babybarista · No Comments
Posted in: books

Monday morning with Alex Williams’ cartoons, 16th January 2012


This cartoon is by Alex Williams who draws the Queen’s Counsel cartoons for The Times and in numerous books including Lawyers Uncovered. He also does the cartoons for BabyBarista and has had two more excellent books published recently: 101 Ways to Leave the Law and 101 Uses for a Useless Banker. He offers almost all of his cartoons for sale at £120 for originals and £40 for copies and they can be obtained from this email info@qccartoon.com.

January 16, 2012 · babybarista · No Comments
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The Bar is in managed decline

“You know, whatever they said about Liverpool in the past, there’s one thing that is definitely in managed decline,” said HeadofChambers.

“OldSmoothie?” said UpTights.

“That’s a bit rich coming from the person with a face in such overly managed decline that she can’t even stretch to a smile,” he replied.

“What is it?” asked TheCreep.

“The Bar,” said HeadofChambers. “The end is nigh and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.”

“Yeah, right,” said TheVamp. “There’ll always be a place for the specialist advocate.”

“You’re right,” said HeadofChambers, “and that place is behind a plastic desk on an average salary in one of the shiny new alternative business structures which is about to sweep through the profession.”

“Well it’s certainly nigh for my publicly-funded practice,” said BusyBody. “The game really does appear to be well and truly up.”

“Well I’m not giving in just yet,” said one of the pupils. “I’ve taken on a night shift at a local supermarket to ensure I get a little extra guaranteed income whatever the storm decides to throw at our esteemed profession.”

“Quite right,” said Teflon, “and I’ve been taking on more advices and drafting more claims.”

“Well, I have to admit that I’ve been encouraging a few more claims to fight,” said OldSmoothie.

“And I’ve been advising a few more than usual of those that did fight to appeal.”

“Well, with such positive intentions as those, how can the Bar fail?” smiled TheBusker.

“I really don’t know what you’re all worrying about,” said OldRuin. “I’ve been listening to Jeremiahs harp on about the death knell of the Bar for generations. Rather than running around with the natural paranoia of the self-employed, I’ve always thought it was far more important to count the blessings we do have and take time out to smell the air and watch the cows go by.”

At which point the others shuffled uneasily and the conversation changed to other things.

BabyBarista is a fictional account of a junior barrister written by Tim Kevan whose new novel is Law and Peace. For more information and to read past posts visit babybarista.com. Cartoons by Alex Williams, author of 101 Ways to Leave the Law.

January 15, 2012 · babybarista · No Comments
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